Journal #160

I have not written in my journal in such a long time, but now it is time to once again write. The reason for my long absence is quite simple, I was angry and struggling with my health. In February I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. I had let my weight balloon to a whopping sixty-five pounds over my max weight ( according to the weight chart hanging on my doctors wall,) of one-hundred and five pounds. I was angry at myself because I had let it happen, and because I had let food take charge of me, instead of the other way around. When my doctor told me it was either lose weight or die, and that is how he put it, I knew it was time to put everything aside, even my writing, and take charge of my life. I left the doctor’s office and came home and cried. Of course I did not let my husband see me cry, but I had to have my pity party before I could settle down and start my battle of the bulge. My pants size of sixteen was disgusting, not to mention that I really needed to be wearing a size eighteen instead; so I started to work on me. First thing I did was to buy a pair of size four shorts, which I started trying them on once a week. As you can imagine it was like trying to put a baby elephant into a diaper meant for a toddler. None-the-less I continued the self-torture of my weekly reminder of what I was hoping to accomplish, and pulled those darn little shorts up almost to my knees. According to Dr. Padget I was to stop eating anything that had sugar in it. This list included, along with the obvious sugar filled deserts, potatoes, pasta, and rice. I was to make sure that I ate seafood at least three times a week, chicken, minus the skin twice a week, and I was allowed steak with the fat trimmed, as well as lean pork only once a week. Can tuna packed in water along with fresh vegetables and fruit were the prefered lunch items. My doctor did not give me a complete list and I felt as though there was nothing left that I could eat. I was disgusted and angry with my few skimpy choices of food items, and I could not see myself eating meat and vegetables only for the rest of my life. I suppose you could say I was looking for an excuse to give up when I decided to go on-line to research my options, and what I found there gave me the will to fight and hope for my future. I started with looking up the American Heart association’s list of healthy foods, as well as the American Diabetes Association Diet, and found that if I followed their diets, as if I had full-blown heart problems as well as Diabetes, that I had plenty of food options that actually pleased me. I also ordered a wonderful little book called “The Shoppers Guide to GI Values,” and I plunged into the beginning of the rest of my life. I am proud to say that even though I am not yet to the desired max weight, for a five foot two-inch woman, I am now wearing my size four shorts, and they are not tight on me. I feel  so much better about myself, and I know that as long as I eat healthy I will continue feeling this way, as well as not being ashamed of my size. If I continue losing five pounds a month, I will be at my desired weight by Christmas. If you wish to know more about how to go about taking charge of your weight and life, or just need a little support in your own efforts of weight lose, then feel free to respond to this journal entry and ask your questions. I will answer as quickly as possible.

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